It can already be quite difficult to get a simple glass of juice when the worlds biggest hangover strikes you.

Drinking is a lot of fun, but the day after can be tough like hell. And we’re talking way worse than a little puking here. The average heavy drinker knows many symptoms in the morning. It can even go that far that all the strange signs give you a panic attack. The point is to remain calm. No matter how crappy you feel, you will survive this day. On the other hand it can not hurt to be prepared for the worlds worst hangover, so here we go.

The moment you wake up, you feel completely powerless. You know you need to drink something since your mouth feels more dry than the Sahara desert. A roaring stomach is screaming for food too, but first some water. Or juice or anything liquid. Too bad, the moment you try to get yourself in an upward position you feel that this is too much for you now. As you try to sit up a stinging headache appears. The only sensible thing to do is to lay back down. Ahhh, with the eyes closed your headache seems less strong.

After 15 minutes you give it another try. Yes, success! You manage to sit up and for five minutes you look around you. You are still fully dressed on your bed, but nobody’s around to care. The next moment you realize there is also nobody to take care of you. You have to reach the fridge by yourself. You curse yourself that you forgot (or weren’t able) to put something to drink next to your bed.

This thought brings up another interesting one. What the hell happened last night? It started off as good fun. Having some drinks with some friends. Oh wait, let’s do this later. Thinking of beer makes you nauseous at this point. So yeah, to the fridge it is. The moment you are up on your feet the room starts to spin. You pause for two seconds to find your balance, arms spread like an acrobat on a high cord. Oof, that was a close one.

Still groggy you make your way towards the fridge. Wow, there’s ham, eggs, cheese and lots of other great stuff that make your stomach scream of joy. Too bad the rest of the body is fully incapable of preparing too much right now. So first things first, you grab a pack of juice and drink like hell. Meanwhile your upper lip seems to have an epileptic attack, cause it’s shaking like crazy. It is at this point you realize your hands are doing the same. Your fingers seem to have a life on their own.

Still weak you decide to put a frozen pizza in the oven. Fast and simple is the motto for this morning. What? Morning? It’s 3 pm! This explains your total lack of energy. Your last meal was about 20 hours ago. Weird enough you still feel tired and while the pizza is in the oven, you go back to bed.

At the first bite of the pizza – in bed of course – your mouth dries out immediately. You don’t need pizza. Just soup and fruit seem to be acceptable food at this point. An apple and lots of juice later, you start to feel nauseous for the first time.
At a certain moment all resistance is useless. On the way to the bathroom you vomit in your mouth, but you make it without making a mess. After the scouts come the troops. A huge orange stream with pieces of apple. Till all that’s coming out is some acid from your stomach.

Looking in the mirror you see a pale shadow of yourself looking back. All of a sudden it feels extremely cold and you just wanna get back under the covers. There you stay until the next bit of acid wants to make it’s way out. Now this is a nasty time since in this phase you only have three modes. You feel very cold, very warm or very much like puking. A nap is usually the best remedy.

Two hours later you wake up again. You missed the whole day and feel hungry. Carefully you take a piece of the cold pizza and flush it with some water. Scared of your stomach you test him piece by piece. It works! You feel better by the minute and in a while you decide to join the world again. In some time you notice your back is hurting seriously. What happened yesterday? Did you fall down? Did you get in a fight? Questions that will not be answered, since you have a total black out for several hours.

However at night you are not sleepy at all. The day and night rhythm is totally destroyed and in bed you are just tossing and turning. Meanwhile the craziest thoughts are going through your head. Well thoughts? More like a mix of thoughts, uncontrolled fantasy and dreams. The whole night on, until you wake up extremely tired.

Now this is a working day, but still part of your hangover. At work (or school) you feel difficulties holding your concentration. The hands are still shaking, although less than yesterday and at times your heartbeat seems quite irregular. Sometimes it’s pounding like crazy. Here’s where a panic attack can grab you. But you stay calm, this has happened before many times. When you try to walk a stairs the balance problems come back. Even 2 or 3 steps can do this to you.

The good thing is that your appetite is back, but still your flavor is ruined for today. Sandwiches, diner, even if it’s your favorite food, it just doesn’t taste the same. At home you drop yourself on the bed, exhausted. But also knowing that if you manage to sleep properly today, tomorrow you have left the worlds worst hangover behind.

Micky Bumbar