Have you ever had to explain historical events to a drunk person? Not so easy is it?! Well the best way to do this is probably by translating the facts in a language that he or she understands. Let’s imagine world history took place in a bar. This is the first episode of what happened in Europe in the period of Nazi Germany.

1914-1918 Germany has a wild party, but it doesn’t end well. The bar staff France and England lay all kinds of restrictions on him. And for many years the German company sits at home, just paying the bill for this party without enjoying a single drink. Naturally this pisses Germany off pretty bad.

January 30, 1933 After years of abstinence Germany comes back to the bar, as Hitler becomes chancellor, and orders a beer. The bartenders remember the last appearance of this notorious customer, but can not stop him from having some beers.

February 27, 1933 Germany knocks back a flame shot called Reichstag and that kicks in. Hitler feels he is now in a state that he can boss the others in his company around. “Nothing but good old German beers and schnapps”, he yells out. Then he turns to three guys in the corner: “Hey, have you heard this one? A Jew, a Gypsy and a homo walk into the wrong bar!”

January 26, 1934 The Germans agree with their Polish neighbor at the bar that they won’t touch his vodka for at least ten years. For now they’ve got only eye for beer.

January 7, 1935 The bartenders serve Germany a sweet white wine from the banks of the Saar river.

March 7, 1936 Hitler really starts to enjoy the wine and grabs a full bottle of Rhineland from the bar. Now this is not according to the rules, as the bar staff clearly told him in Versaille. But they realize they might have been a little harsh on Germany. After all he just wanted to party right?!

November 15, 1936 Germany attends at a Sangria Party from his good friend Franco. Highlight of the party is the capturing of Madrid November 26th.

March 13, 1938 The Austrian buddies of German group join them in the bar and bring beer and obstler to the table. The bar staff is looking worried, since this is quite a big crowd. And with a loud group of Spaniards in one corner of the bar and an even louder group of Italians in the other, this party might get out of hand.

September 30, 1938 The bartenders, in a desperate attempt to control the wild customers, offer Germany a free round of beer from Sudetenland. This moment is known as the Munich Agreement.

November 9, 1938 The free drinks didn’t help as the Germans start smashing their glasses. This moment will later be referred to as ‘Kristallnacht‘.

March 15, 1939 Drunk Germans walk over to the nearest table, where some Czech guys are sitting. They claim this table is theirs and start drinking the Czech beers.

May 22, 1939 The drinking buddies Germany and Italy swear to remain best friends forever in a classic drunk conversation. They call their alliance the Pact of Steel.

August 23, 1939 German Ribbentrop and Molotov from Russia, who never really got along in this bar, decide to set their differences aside and share a bottle of Polish vodka that they see behind the bar.

September 1, 1939 Germany grabs the bottle of Polish vodka and takes the first sip. The bartenders England and France are fed up with this agressive customer and give the bouncers orders to remove him by force. Germany and Russia drink the stolen vodka as they get ready for the ultimate bar fight.

Micky Bumbar

Drunk history: Europe under Nazi Germany part 2