Sadly we live in a day and age where big brands, inspired by abstinent idiots, are trying to make people believe that alcohol free beer is in fact beer. It’s not. It’s a completely different drink, for it has never fermented and lacks one of the key ingredients: alcohol. Nobody ever in the history of the world had a legendary adventure that started off with a crate of alcohol free beer. Nobody found the courage to ask out the love of his life after a few 0.0’s. And nobody ever yelled out a well-meant “woohoooo!”, when a new keg was rolled in. Since we can’t emphasize enough how shitty alcohol free beer is, we came up with a 10 catchy phrases for you to remember.

1. Alcohol free beer is… Like making love to an inflatable woman.
2. Alcohol free beer is… Like watching a sports game where they don’t keep score.
3. Alcohol free beer is… Like visiting Italy to eat at McDonalds.
4. Alcohol free beer is… Like watching porn on the radio.
5. Alcohol free beer is… Like checking into the Hilton penthouse and sleep on the floor.
6. Alcohol free beer is… Like paying a hooker 200 bucks to do your taxes.
7. Alcohol free beer is… Like paying your accountant 200 bucks for a blowjob.
8. Alcohol free beer is… Like getting to ride a Ferrari with an empty tank.
9. Alcohol free beer is… Like drinking alcohol free beer. Come on, we’re drinkers. Do we really need a metaphor for this?
10. Alcohol free beer is… Like making love to a family member. She may have most of the right parts, but what you’re doing is disgusting!
    
    Micky Bumbar

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